(Revised) Spiders and Clowns
by Spider-Harley
Summary: Spider-Man wakes up with no memory of fighting the Joker and Harley Quinn side by side with Batman. I hadn't slept yet when i originally wrote and posted this. It sucked. I hope this one is any better. BTW, there's not much happening here yet. The action comes in the next chapters. Plz. keep in mind, this is my first fanfic. So sit back, relax, and try to tolerate my story.


It had been a reoccurring thing that I wake up with my head throbbing in some weird room. It happens at least once every two months. This time I was in some kind of dungeon. And I know that's weird and cliché, but that's how the mind of the bad guy works. They like to associate me… with dungeons… and hanging upside down. They do that sometimes. But I'm used to it, I hang myself upside down all the time, it relaxes me. Okay, going back to the dungeon topic, It was a bit bigger than my usual. I was hanging in the middle of the back wall. In front of me, to the left, there were some stairs leading to a door. I was ether hallucinating (hanging upside down for hours does that to me) or there was a guy in some kind of jester outfit looking at me from a small window at the door.

"Puddin'! The Bug-eye's awake" she said. I didn't expect the jester to be a she. But there are a lot of crazy women in the world.

"Oh goodie!" said another voice.

Then I heard footsteps, getting nearer and nearer. The door opened slowly. You know, the way those classic villains like to be dramatic at opening doors, like their was some kind of surprise behind it, and sure enough there was. A guy in a purple suit came inside. He had white make-up all over his face, his lips were painted red, made to look like a smile, and black surrounded the area around his eyes. The jester girl came inside after him. And looking at her closely, she actually looked more like a harlequin (and she was pretty hot too. Sorry, I'm a guy.). She wore a half-black and half-red suit (which she filled out pretty nicely. Wink wink.). Her make-up looked a lot like the first guy's, except for her lips, which were black.

"Hey, Bugsies, you awake?" said the purple suited, clown-like man while he walked towards me. He slouched over, nearing his face to mine. He stared at my blank eye lenses. I noticed that he had green hair and a Glasgow smile. "Harley, are you sure he's alive?" looking at the girl behind him. "He was alive just a minute ago." she answered.

"Wh- *cough* *cough*… where am I?" I said.

"So you are alive." the clown said. "Welcome to our humble abode." he said, standing up and spreading his arms. "Well the basement anyway."

"Who are you?"

"You don't remember me? And here I was thinking that we had a connection. You can call me… Joker."

"Joker? What, Crazy Clown was already taken?"

I remembered the fact that it was my signature to say stupid things while my enemy had the upper hand.

"Yes, sadly"

"Well your make-up just screams 'Crazy Clown', I thought the name would've been more appropriate."

"Well let's just say, I have a thing for face cards."

"Okay, 'Joker'… since your name just inspires trust, let me ask you, how in the world did I get the pleasure to be here?"

"You don't remember?"

"I do, but I just want to ask if you did. Sarcasm by the way."

"So you don't remember your little escapade with Batman?" he looked again to the girl behind him. "You must've hit him pretty hard last night."

"Hey can you release my arm? I need to pinch myself to see if I'm dreaming."

"Don't bother. Our dear guest shouldn't worry about anything. Pumpkin, pinch the man for me."

"Sure mistah J." she answered, holding up a big hammer as if she was about to strike.

Aw crap.

* * *

"Bugsies, wakey wakey"

Again, I woke up with my head throbbing. Told ya it was normal for me. We weren't in the dungeon anymore, we were in a large room. As I looked around, I noticed that the building was abandoned (used to be abandoned, since these guys live here now) and the windows were boarded up.

"Bugsies, are your eyes open? I can't tell with the mask. Okay, if you can see me say ouch… twice" he slapped me with his palm.

"What was that fo- agh"

He slapped me again with the back of his hand.

"Stop it!"

"Well, close enough. Now, hold on to your seat… well you don't have to… that's what the rope's for. It's story time! Boys! That's the cue!"

"Uh, sorry boss" said a guy in some kind of Halloween vampire costume with a bat in the middle.

"Ugh. I tell ya, they just don't make henchmen like they used to."

The guy in the vampire costume climbed on top a platform of boxes. He was followed by a guy in a red shirt, blue pants, and a red bonnet with two eye holes, (a sad excuse for a spidey costume), a guy dressed like that Joker guy, another dressed as the harlequin girl, and a bunch of henchmen.

"Is… this a play?"

"Just a little something I whipped up to remind you of last night. I wrote it myself"

"You do realize that you could've just told me, right?"

"Where's the fun in that? That guy, with the cape, that's the Batman. And the guy in red is you, in case you didn't know. And that girl's, Harley Quinn."

"FYI, me."

* * *

The play started, and let me just tell you in advance, the acting… was horrible.

"Joker it's time for you to go back to the asylum." said Batman, reading a piece of paper (their lines). He passed the paper to Joker.

"Never. My… h-hench… men will make sure of. It." said the joker. He passed the paper to spidey.

"Not on my watch." said spidey.

"Bang. Bang. Budda budda bang. Rat tat tat." said the henchmen.

"Dodge. Dodge. Dodge. Kick." said spidey

"Who are you. Masked man." said Batman.

"He's dead." said Harley, hitting spidey with a hammer.

"Dodge. Dodge. Punch."

"That's not the way to treat a lady."

"This is the last time you escape Arkham." said Batman.

"That is not. For you to… uh… decide." said Joker "Bang."

"I'll save you Batman." said spidey.

"Ha ha ha." said Joker, holding a gun that shot out a small flag saying 'Bang!'.

"Gotcha." said Harley, hitting spidey from behind.

"Wh-Where's Batman." said Joker

"Maybe he got scared." said Harley

* * *

"The End." said real Joker. "Now, wasn't that enchanting?"

"Yeah. A real theatrical experience. One more question. Where. The hell. Am I?"


End file.
